Transformation Tuesday

I like to surf fitness and weight loss sites and blogs in search of success stories to motivate and inspire me.  It occurred to me one day last week that there are people all around me - REAL, breathing people who actually know my name and even go to lunch with me sometimes - who have had tremendous success and whose transformations are like something straight out of a 2 a.m. "no way that's not Photoshopped" infomercial.

But Photoshopped they are not.  These folks are the real deal.  And pretty much amazing.

So I came up with the brilliant idea of sharing their stories with you, in hopes that everyone, myself included, can learn from them and absorb even a tiny smidge of their persevering spirits.

I just know you're going to love this first one as much as I do.  She's my hero.  And just a gem of a human.  I want to be her when I grow up.

Nikki W.
Highest Weight:  198
Current Weight:  133
Height:  5'10"
Total lost:  65


ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

Before getting married and having babies, Nikki had been fit, active, and athletic.  With each pregnancy, she gained some weight that  just didn't come off.  As she approached the 200 pound mark, she started to notice how she was feeling and didn't like it.  She became "that" mom:  the one who only wore sweats because trying on new clothes was too depressing; the one who dreaded putting on a swimsuit and heading to the pool with her kids; the one who no longer enjoyed date nights with her husband because she never felt attractive;  the one who "ruined" all the family pictures.

The unhappy one.

"I was done with all the emotional, mental, and physical crap that consumed my life for way too long. I wanted to start living! I wanted it SO BADLY that I looked at it as a challenge. I never fully believed all those before and after pictures of people. I thought it was struly impossible to transform in that way. So I started to wonder if it really was possible and challenged myself to find out."

At around 200 pounds

 IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED

Like a lot of us, Nikki had a library of books and DVDs on the subject of weight loss.  She read and watched all of them.  Over the course of about 10 years, she would lose 20 pounds here and there, but would then turn around and gain it back because, as she says, she just didn't want it enough to stick to making the right choices when the temptations came along in the form of parties, holidays, birthdays, and so on.  Or, as some of us like to call it, "real life."

Losing weight and dealing with life's everyday temptations are just hard.  Really hard.  But anyone who knows Nikki knows she's no quitter.  This girl's got serious determination.   That fat didn't stand a chance.

Knowing she had tried and faltered in the past, Nikki decided to hire trainers and a nutritionist to help with accountability and support.  She acknowledges that not everyone has the money to spend for that kind of help.

"Because I wanted it so badly and knew that I tried on my own and wasn't able to do it, I reached out for help. I needed people to be accountable to and who would push me harder than I would ever push myself.  I looked at it as making an investment in myself. I can spend money on doctors and blood tests and pills to keep me going through life or I can spend money to gain knowledge about how I can take care of myself and my family for a lifetime. I know not everyone has the resources or money to spend. A lot of people do it on their own. It is honestly just a matter of learning everything you can about it and sticking to it no matter what."

SOMETHING CLICKED

Once Nikki got the help she needed and made up her mind to be successful, there was no stopping her.  No excuses.

"I did total body strength training three times per week and HIIT (high intensity interval training) four times per week. I worked out a total of an hour a day but made those workouts really count. The most important thing I ever did was stick (very strictly) to my meal plans. When I say strictly, I'm talking I would take my home cooked meal in a Tupperware container out to a restaurant with my family or friends and eat it cold while they ordered warm, good smelling food. That is how bad you have to want it. I can honestly say that I never cheated and that made all the difference. The beauty of it was that I still had cake, ice cream, cookies and chocolate without cheating! It is all about balance."

Nikki's diet consists of foods like oatmeal with almond milk, fruit, egg whites, brown rice, lean protein, veggies, and sweet potatoes, to name a few.  Some of her favorite snack foods include greek yogurt, beef jerky, almonds, and cottage cheese.  She treats herself to one cheat meal and one dessert every week to keep from feeling deprived.

SLOW BUT STEADY

Nikki says she gave herself a year to get it all figured out.  Her weight loss was slow and consistent, an average of about two pounds per week.  She wanted a lifestyle change and not a quick fix that would end in her resorting back to old, unhealthy habits.

"I wanted to know what it was like to eat healthy through all the seasons of life:  holidays, summer barbecues, vacations, parties, etc.  Slowly over the months, two pounds turned into 10, then 20, then 50, etc.  I just kept chugging along day after day.  Seeing those consistent results made me want to work harder and keep being strict with my food. It was working and still giving me the energy I needed. I was learning that healthy food was my friend and started looking at it differently. It was the necessary fuel to keep my body working hard and feeling happy. I was finally succeeding in not just losing weight, but feeling alive and happy again."

SMALL VICTORIES

Nikki, who recently completed her first Ironman triathlon, still has fond memories of all of her sweet little victories along the way.

The first time she ran for five whole minutes.
Her first 5k.
The first time she was able to do 20 "man push-ups."
Tossing the leftover birthday cake into the trash.
Finding her abs.

And then there was that day she started to believe in herself.

"Every little small victory (another pound gone, another mile run, another treat turned away) added a spark to my fire and I believed I could do anything now. So I set out for my biggest accomplishment yet....to become an Ironman .... I still feel like I am in a dream. That it's not really real. That is until I look at a picture taken of me or I walk by a mirror and then the reality of all my hard work is right there. There is a difference in being prideful and proud, and I am honestly very proud of myself. I didn't think I had it in me. But I did. We all do if we want it badly enough. I can walk into a store and fit in anything. It's not a matter of 'Will that fit me?' but  'Do I like that style?'  I like to dress up now and go out on a hot date with my husband. I am teaching my kids how to eat healthy and they are developing new habits. But more importantly, I don't let my kids say they 'can't' do something.  No matter how hard it seems to them, I make them figure out a way that they CAN do it."

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST

I wanted to know if Nikki had any encouraging words for those of us still struggling to get healthy once and for all.

She didn't disappoint.  I KNEW she wouldn't.

"Be patient with yourself and love yourself through the process. The healthiest way will not be the fastest. Allow yourself the time to get to where you want to be. Decide how bad you want it.  Do you want it as badly as you want to breathe?  If you do, then you need to make NO EXCUSES whatsoever...zip, zero, zilch, nada! Reach out for help if you can.  It will most definitely be hard. I like the quote, 'Being Fat is Hard, Losing Weight is Hard.  Choose your Hard.'  That is exactly what you have to do. Choose which hard you want to face and face it head on. Don't ever let anyone (especially yourself) tell you that you can't do it, because that is simply not true!

It is about loving yourself and appreciating your body. It is so important to be kind to yourself and to take time for yourself.  Your bodies and your spirit will thank you by showing you exactly what they - YOU - are made of."

Nikki has shown EVERYONE what she's made of and is inspiring those around her with her positive attitude, her phenomenal success, and her beautiful spirit.

I don't know about you, but I can't wait to see what she does next.

Nikki works out with Zackie the evil personal trainer

Nikki's invaluable support team:

Zac at Energy Explosion:  http://energyexplosion.biz
Greg at Elevate Triathlon Training http://elevateutah.com/triathlon-training/
Lindsey at Moxie Full Body Fitness http://moxiefullbody.com

And let's not forget three adoring children and her "hot biker/runner/swimmer dude" husband who are always there cheering her on to her next victory.

Care Bears Can Do Hard Things

A couple of weeks ago, my oldest was having one of those teenage girl moments where she needed to unload on me about all the things she hates about her life.

I'm a mom.  I can take it.  I get that little girls, with all their hormones and mood swings and limited perspectives sometimes just hate their lives.  As she rattled off her list of grievances at 6:30 a.m on a Monday morning, I started feeling very uncomfortable with the conversation.  I was very concerned about all the negativity she seemed to be channeling.  I let her finish getting things off her chest, then proceeded to try and impart of my motherly wisdom regarding stuff like positive thoughts, being grateful for what we have, how attitudes affect outcomes, yadda yadda yadda.

And then ... BAM!

I got hit with a different kind of uncomfortable feeling.  This time, it was the kind that comes in the form of a loud voice that screams mean, hateful things in your ears:  "Who are YOU to be giving this advice?  Where do you think this attitude of hers is coming from?  You need to learn to take your own advice, lady."

Ouchie.

This subject weighed heavily on my mind for the rest of the day.  I'd had many a passing thought over the past months about my sarcastic tendencies and how they affect my overall psyche, but more specifically how those tendencies may be hindering my efforts to make positive changes to my body.  But when I see my sweet little girl struggling because of her own negativity, and realize that I'm the biggest influence in her life, it's time to have more than just the occasional passing thought about it.  It's time to DO something.

That night, we gathered for our family night and, using the scriptures and a WHOLE LOTTA quotes about being positive, I tried to help my little family see why it's so important to carry a good attitude with us in all the things we face every day, and how doing so just makes everything easier and better.  This lesson was for me more than anyone else in that room. The discussion went well, and when it was over, I went around the house with all of those positive quotes I'd printed out and stuck them on the walls in various places all over our home so that we would have constant reminders everywhere we go.  Bathroom mirrors, hallways, family room, kitchen cabinets, everywhere. Our home is now filled with happy thoughts everywhere you turn - sort of like a miniature Disneyland minus the awesome rides and parades and churros.

My daughter's momentary meltdown helped me to see that I have a load of emotional crap I need to deal with and that all the nutritious food and fat-melting workouts in the world aren't going to do a thing for me until I get out of my own way.  I've been very conscious these last couple of weeks about the thoughts I entertain and I've noticed just how much I really do focus on negative garbage.  I have a lot of work to do.

And then, this morning ...

I visited a Facebook friend's page to discover that he and I were no longer "friends."  I sent him a message asking about it, and he informed me that he had to unfriend me because, while he loved my humorous posts, my everyday life seemed to be mixed with too much negativity.

Ouchie.

I cried.  Not because I thought his words were mean-spirited or intentionally hurtful, but because he was right.  I've known it for a while, but to hear it from another human is quite the poke in the eye.

I learned to use sarcasm at a very young age as a self defense mechanism.  I've been the fat kid for as long as I can remember, which made me the target for every bully from elementary to junior high to high school ... and even beyond.  I think I subconsciously figured out that if I showed people my fangs first (in the form of snark), they'd think twice about messing with me.  It worked, sorta.  My sarcasm has been my armor.  My preemptive strike.

Most people may think that being more positive is a really simple thing to do - something you can just decide to do and do it.  But for me, changing my attitude means changing who I've always been.  Who I've always been is someone who, if I do say so myself, a lot of people like.  I know not everyone loves and appreciates sarcasm the way that I do, but I know there are people who love that about me.  I'm afraid that if I shed that, I'll somehow lose my identity and maybe even lose what makes me likable to the people who like me.  Since this blog is all about finding courage, let me just say that that notion scares the dog snot out of me.

When I try to sit down and write positive thoughts or affirmations, I'm almost tempted to mock myself for doing it.  "What are you, some kind of unicorn-riding, rainbow-sliding, cotton candy-eating Care Bear?"  That's how foreign this is to me.

Yet, I know this needs to happen.  My thought process has to change.  I have to keep repeating and start believing all those warm and fuzzy little quotes I've put up around my house:

I can do hard things.
You believe what you tell yourself.
You can't live a positive life with a negative mind.
The only disability in life is a bad attitude. 
Being happy is good for my health.
I can and I will.
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Is it bad that that last one with the snark is my favorite?

I'm a work in progress, people.  A work in progress.

Thoughts From an Imperfect Mother

While I've dedicated this blog to chronicling my weight loss efforts (or lack thereof?), there's something on my mind that I feel is worthy of a momentary subject change.  And since I know that most of those who follow this blog are moms, it seems relevant and hopefully even useful.

Something’s bothering the mother in me.  I’m a little concerned about my fellow mommies.  In my Pinterest browsing earlier today, I ran across a few blog titles that did not sit well with me.  A few examples:

5 Things You Should Never Say to Your Kids

10 Ways to Be a Better Mom Every Day
Most Common Mom Mistakes

99 Reasons You Suck as a Parent

I may have made that last one up for the purpose of exaggerating my point.

The questions that pop into my brain as I see more and more of these types of “informative” and “helpful” articles are, “Who ARE these people?” and “Why do we so willingly believe that they know more than we do about the best way to raise our own children?”  I find many of these parenting advice posts to be condescending to me as a mother and insulting to me as a semi-intelligent human.

Bad parenting?  Not for me to say.

We all have our own ideas about how children should be raised.  I certainly don't fault anyone for putting those ideas in writing and sharing them with others, especially since that's pretty much what I'm doing by writing this post.  My bigger concern is that we seem to be almost desperately seeking out these types of posts and … gasp … pinning them.  Sharing them.  Relying on them.  Allowing them to feed on our psyches like little joy-sucking leaches.   It's as if we're losing all faith in our own abilities to love and nurture our children.

I want moms to stop doubting themselves.  I want them to trust that inner voice – the one that only we moms hear - that speaks to them from moment to moment, from morning ‘til night, day in and day out.  I want them to believe that the immense love they feel for their children will guide them in the decisions that really matter, because nobody on this Earth knows the hearts and minds of their little ones the way they do.  I want them to quit stressing over saying the wrong things and just be grateful that their voices, even when they say the wrong things (and they will sometimes) are the ones their children want to hear first thing every morning and last thing at night.  I want them to stop focusing on the ways they fall short as mothers (and they will sometimes) and start focusing on the small joys they bring to their childrens’ lives each day just by clocking in.

Want to know how to be a better mom?  Get on your knees and ask the Lord.  Follow His example.  Listen to His promptings. Then ask your KIDS what they need from you.  That blogger chick who lives four states away, who has never met you or your children, doesn’t know the first thing about what YOU can do to be a better mom to them. Their little souls were entrusted to YOU for a reason.  They are yours to know and to love and to cherish and yes, even to screw up a little. I guarantee you that if you say one of those dreaded “5 things” from that list up there, your kids will be OK.  They’ll recover.  They’ll still love you.  They won’t grow up to be ax murderers or guests on Jerry Springer. 

I personally didn’t bother to click on that silly pin and follow the link.  Why?  What good will it do?  Will I most likely end up letting one of those five things slip at some point, even if I DO read the article and become more enlightened?  Yep.  And then what?  With my newly-acquired enlightenment about what I'm doing wrong, I’ll feel guilty about it until I’m losing sleep and signing us all up for therapy to undo the damage I’ve done to my poor little future felons.   I don’t need that extra guilt-induced stress in my life.   I generate enough of that on my own without any help from complete strangers, thankyouverymuch.

Each of us has all the tools we need to be “better” moms every day.  No blog post or list is going to make our kids feel more loved or needed or special than we already know how to do on our own.  A mother's love for her children transcends every book, every magazine article, every how-to tutorial she can ever read during her career as a parent.

There’s a little voice that is lovingly whispering to you that your children are blessed to have you, but it’s being drowned out by a know-it-all world that screams at you from all sides:  “Your best is not enough. You can be doing more.  You are going to ruin your kids.”  But, as the saying goes, your children don’t need you to be perfect.  They just need YOU.  Gloriously, marvelously, laughably imperfect YOU.

You’re the only mom they’ve got.  And yes, that’s a good thing, despite what Suzy the Expert Mom Blogger from Des Moines says to the contrary.

Jillian Michaels: The fun begins

My dear, sweet, apparently homicidal husband bought me the evil Jillian's latest and greatest program, Body Revolution.  He either loves me a lot or is secretly trying to off me.  

She arrived on our doorstep in a cardboard box late last week wearing her little workout bra and flashing those famous abs and that funny little mole on her right boob.

I took several deep breaths, checked my sanity, and started the program bright and early Monday morning.

 

Her program consists of a total of 12 different strength workouts plus three cardio workouts.  She has the program broken down into two-week segments.  For example, the first two weeks look like this:

Monday -  Strength Workout 1
Tuesday - Strength Workout 2
Wednesday - Cardio DVD 1
Thursday - Repeat Strength Workout 1
Friday - Repeat Strength Workout 2
Saturday - Repeat Cardio DVD 1
Sunday - Rest (bless you, Sunday)

For the second two-week segment, this pattern is repeated, but you "graduate" -- if you're still able to walk -- to workouts 3 & 4.  It changes every two weeks like this until you've gone all the way through to the final DVDs, workouts 11 & 12.

Since it's Wednesday and I've now completed all three of the workouts in the first segment, I can officially declare myself an expert and offer you the benefit of my vast experience with these workouts.

I would say that the first two weeks of Jillian's program are geared toward the newbies.  If you're new to exercise - or it's been a while and you're feeling out of shape- you'll be challenged, but you won't die from these workouts.  They are meant to ease you into her program.  I can tell you that none of these exercises are new to me, so, while it was still a good workout, it wasn't call-me-an-ambulance-I'm-having-a-stroke challenging, like what you might expect from Jillian Michaels.  You'll do donkey kicks and squats and shoulder presses and rows and push ups and suicide drills and a whole lotta other stuff that doesn't sound like very much fun.

It's not supposed to be fun.  Suck it up.

I'll tell you what I love about these workouts:

I have a very severe case of exercise ADD.  Put me on a treadmill or stationary bike and within 10 minutes I'm ready to be done.  Doing the SAME, BORING movement for long periods of time is NOT for me.  When I get bored, I get lazy.  Plus, my mind wanders and I start thinking about cheeseburgers.  Not good.  But these workouts are done in circuits made up of 30-60 second moves, which helps tremendously with boredom.

What?  We get to change it up every half a minute or so?  I can SO do that!

The workouts are only 30 minutes, but they're intensity-packed, and they go by quickly thanks to the constant changing of movements.  I can dig it.  I haven't thought about cheeseburgers ONCE while doing these workouts.

So my assessment so far is two enthusiastic thumbs up.  If I had three thumbs, I'd give her three.  But alas, I am cursed with the normal number of thumbs.  As the workouts get harder, I may be putting up a different set of fingers, but let's not talk about that.  Wouldn't be very lady-like.

So to sum up, she eases you into the program, she packs more power into less time, and she makes the workouts go by quickly with the way she runs the circuits.

NOTE:  If you're horribly offended by words like "ass," "hell," or "damn," you might want to skip this program.  What'd you expect?  It's Jillian-freaking-Michaels!  No unicorns or rainbows here, people.

Stuff I don't like:

1.  If I close my eyes or look away from the TV, Jillian becomes a man.  Go ahead, next time you see Jillian on TV, try closing your eyes while listening and tell me she doesn't sound like a man.
Eyes open: Hot, fit chick in spandex leading a workout.  Eyes closed:  Man yelling at me to "KEEP GOING OR I'M GOING TO COME THROUGH THAT TV AND WHOOP YOUR A**!"   I'm just going to make sure I keep my eyes open and on the TV from now on.  That way, Jillian stays a girl.

2.  You know how you cheat and find future episodes of Downton Abbey online because you HAVE to know what happens next and then you really wish you hadn't done it?  Let's just say that I did this with the next set of workouts to see what hell awaits me in week 5.  And let's just say I'm really wishing I hadn't.  There are times when it's better to just not know things.  This would be one of those times.

Truth be told, I'm kind of looking forward to week 5.  Bring it, Jillian Man-chaels.  I ain't skeered.

Well, maybe a teensy bit ...

Oh, shutty.

Just for today, skip the Honey Boo Boo

If you're a human, chances are you've set a goal for yourself at least once in your lifetime.  You know, the kind where you decide that TOMORROW you will start your journey of change.  Perhaps you want to lose 50 pounds.  Maybe you want to start a running regimen so you can finally tackle that marathon.  Or maybe you want to read more, write more, learn more.  You tell yourself you're going to finish that novel by such-n-such date, or you'll be running 15 miles at a time by summer.

"TOMORROW, I will write 1,000 words of my future best-seller."

"TOMORROW, I will get up at 5:00 a.m. and brave the freezing temps to get my run in."

TOMORROW comes and what happens?  You hit that snooze button one too many times, tell yourself you'll run later, have a crummy day at work, come home to a dirty kitchen and mounds of laundry and convince yourself that  TOMORROW is a better day to start. This after spending three hours on the couch with your hand in a bag of Funyuns and ultimately falling asleep watching the "Honey Boo Boo" marathon on cable.  Not exactly the kind of marathon you were planning to participate in.  

Oops.

You failed.   

You blew it today and now you'll never reach your goals.  You're going to be a fat, lazy, uneducated toad for the rest of your miserable existence.  

Not so fast.

There's nothing at all wrong with making big plans for ourselves, but when it comes to weight loss, I'm learning that it's the small goals - the ones we can actually envision and wrap our brains around - that bring the most success.  When it comes to losing weight and taking control of my health, today is the only day that matters.  

If I tell myself that the goal is to lose 100 pounds by the end of 2013, and I think about it ONLY in those terms, I'll end up crying in the corner, rocking uncontrollably while humming some eerie lullaby and sucking my thumb.  The notion that "I have to keep this up every day for the next gazillion days to reach my goal or I've failed" is a daunting one.  It's too much.  It's completely overwhelming.  It's a near guarantee of failure.

I'm now determined that I'm simply going to wake up every morning and decide that, just for today, I will eat sensibly and get my workout in.  I'm going to make choices all day that will help me go to bed feeling good about the progress I made and the small steps I've taken toward my bigger goal.   When I do that, I wake up the next morning feeling hopeful and empowered, like I took control of something that's had control of me for far too long.   That feeling fuels me for the day ahead.  

"I did it yesterday.  It felt good amazing.  I want another day like that.  Today will be that day."

I can do anything for one day, right? 

I can put the Funyuns down slowly and back away - just for today.

I can pass on the Honey Boo Boo and pick up my laptop and write - just for today.

I can get to bed a little earlier and keep my 5:00 a.m. date with a pair of smelly sneakers - just for today.

Whatever my big plans are, I will start with today.  I won't overwhelm my brain and spirit with what needs to be done by the end of the year or even in the next few months.  I will let every day of my journey be a victory that fuels the next day's success.

What are your big dreams and what small step will you take, just for today, to bring you closer to making them a reality?