Don't judge me.
Taking a trip to (or becoming the mayor of?) the dark side of Emotionallyunstableville helped me to come to some very healthy realizations:
1. I've been working out too hard for too long for too disappointing results
2. Rome was not built in a day. Getting discouraged and giving up after one week is immature and self-defeating. I know, duh.
3. I'm not doing this for a number on the scale. I'm doing it for overall health and fitness and quality of life.
4. Diet is the end all beat all. "Lose weight in the kitchen, get fit in the gym."
I've had a few "Come to Jesus" moments over the last few weeks. I'm starting to get it. What I've figured out is that I have been using exercise as a way to punish my body for being "bad."
As in ...
- Eat the Taco Bell, do a gazillion push-ups until your right arm screams "UNCLE" in the form of wicked tendonitis.
- Scarf down that jamoca milkshake, run on the treadmill 'til your injured foot is begging you for mercy.
- Overindulge on homemade bread, do squats until your hip goes from a happy 40 years old to an angry, bitter 90-years-old-and-in-a-nursing-home.
Ate that burrito, did ya? Take THAT!
I was trying to outrun my bouts of bad eating with my 6-days-per-week-4:30-in-the-morning exercise routine. WRONG.
But then, when I'd have a good week or so of eating really well and that blasted scale wouldn't say what I wanted--no, desperately NEEDED--it to say, I'd cry, call it very bad names using words that no good Mormon girl should ever utter, then head to the drive-thru to show it a thing or two about who's boss.
Who's the boss, you ask? That'd be discouragement. It's been bossing me around a lot lately. Well, that and the scale. The scale has been sucking my mojo for years now. I guess that means the scale sucks. Yeah boy it does.
Now, having joined this Biggest Loser competition, the scale will and must be a factor to consider. So far, I'm down six pounds from the initial weigh-in a few weeks ago. I'll take that. It's better than a purple nurple or a stick in the eye--or both--at the same time. Weighing in at the gym once per week keeps me accountable. I need that. It's a good thing.
What I do NOT need is to continue to beat myself up (mentally AND physically) day after day, week after week and to keep giving up and starting over again and again. I have been working out really hard for a long time. Lots of weights, lots of cardio, lots of hurt, lots of pounds gained (what?), and recently, lots of injuries that are causing me lots of grief. I'm no math genius, but that equation seems a little off to me.
The plan now is to take care of my body rather than punishing it. To give it what it needs to be healthy, like good food and beneficial exercise. To have BALANCE. Over the past few weeks, I have been focusing on eating REAL food. I bought a juicer. I've been replacing meals here and there with freshly juiced veggies and fruit. I have been incorporating more "rest" days into my workout routine every week. Sunday is my day off. Three days per week I go hard with lots of weights and cardio. The other three days, I do 20 minutes on the tread, but nothing brutal. Just moving the bod.
Doing this, the weight loss is and will be slow, but I am learning to be good with that. Impatience and wanting change RIGHT NOW have not served me well. That mindset has created frustration and the desire to repeatedly give up. Taking things more slowly, I am keeping my sanity and I haven't said a single swear word, at least at the scale, for a good week or more.
Having let go of my obsession with the scale and with punishing myself, my attitude is much better. I feel better about what I'm doing and where I'm headed. And I'm OK with the tortoise-like pace at which I'm doing it. I don't need to lose 10 pounds by next Thursday. I don't need to run a 5k next week or even next month. It'd be nice, but it's not my reality. I'm going in the right direction and so is the scale, slowly but surely.
Now THAT's progress.
What has been YOUR a-ha moment? What have you changed in your routine mentally and/or physically that has helped you have the best results?
