Dear Body: Sorry I Was Mean to You

Sundays always somehow end up being a day of reflection for me.  Maybe it’s because I get to attend church bright and early and be reminded of all the ways I want and need to improve my spirituality.  Maybe it’s because I have a little more quiet time on my hands than I do Monday-Saturday.  “Quiet,” incidentally, is a relative term when you have four kids bouncing off the walls and banned from their beloved electronic devices for the duration of the day.  But still, the hectic running-from-one-thing-to-the-next pace slows way down on Sundays.  I like it.

Today, like many, many, MANY Sundays before, I’m thinking about all the ways I’m going to be nicer to my body in the coming week.  “Nicer” is also a relative term here, since there’s usually a lot of tough love built in to my weekly planning.  A little harder with the cardio, a little heavier with the weights, a little lighter on the calories. 

I’ve spent a lot of years – close to thirty of them – hating my body and thinking less-than-charitable thoughts about it.  Thanks to my brain, my body gets bullied by me in ways I would never dream of bullying another human being.

“Why do you have to be so ugly?”

“Do you realize that most people probably can’t stand the sight of you?” 

“Nobody will ever date you or marry you.” 

“I’m embarrassed to be seen with you.” 

“EVERYONE is embarrassed to be seen with you.”

I’ve somehow managed to convince myself that if I ever stop noting all of the things I hate about my body, it will mean that I’ve given myself permission to just give up and be overweight and be OK with that – something I am simply NOT willing to do.  Complacency got me here.  I refuse to let it carry me further into the abyss of depression and severe health risks that come with the continual packing on of pounds year after year.

BUT … what if I could work diligently and consistently on trying to be healthier while still appreciating those things about my body that DO serve me well?  What if I could be grateful for what good it DOES help me accomplish day after day rather than focusing obsessively on how it hinders me? 

Can I still love all of the wonderful things about this divinely-created vessel, this miracle that I’ve been given, even though it’s a work in progress?  Yes.

Do I have to wait until I’ve reached my idea of perfection before I can appreciate it for all that it does for me RIGHT NOW, TODAY?  No.

On this day of reflection, I have given myself permission to love what I HAVE while working toward what I WANT.   But just like the nerdy kid who’s been mercilessly tormented by the bully day after day, year after year, my body needs to know I mean it.  A mere “sorry I was mean to you” isn’t gonna cut it. 

So … to show this vessel that I truly am sorry and want to be kinder and gentler, I’m committing to thirty days of charity toward my body.  We will still work out together, sweat together, drink obscene amounts of water together, make multiple middle-of-the-night trips to the bathroom together, and say bad words together when passing up that piece of chocolate cake or eating our 37^th carrot stick for the week.  That won’t change.  What WILL change for the next thirty days, however, is that I will take the time to thank this body of mine for all that it helps me do and be day in and day out.  I’ll rejoice publicly in this miracle that I’ve been given and in the fact that, miraculously, it still manages to be kind to me in spite of the many years of bullying it’s endured from me.

Tomorrow begins 30 days of positive, grateful thoughts about my body.   My hope is that it will help my overall attitude and success in my journey to be a healthier, happier woman, because I am so much more than a bunch of numbers that try to tell me how to feel about myself.  

photo:  turbocharged.us.com