Jillian Michaels: The fun begins

My dear, sweet, apparently homicidal husband bought me the evil Jillian's latest and greatest program, Body Revolution.  He either loves me a lot or is secretly trying to off me.  

She arrived on our doorstep in a cardboard box late last week wearing her little workout bra and flashing those famous abs and that funny little mole on her right boob.

I took several deep breaths, checked my sanity, and started the program bright and early Monday morning.

 

Her program consists of a total of 12 different strength workouts plus three cardio workouts.  She has the program broken down into two-week segments.  For example, the first two weeks look like this:

Monday -  Strength Workout 1
Tuesday - Strength Workout 2
Wednesday - Cardio DVD 1
Thursday - Repeat Strength Workout 1
Friday - Repeat Strength Workout 2
Saturday - Repeat Cardio DVD 1
Sunday - Rest (bless you, Sunday)

For the second two-week segment, this pattern is repeated, but you "graduate" -- if you're still able to walk -- to workouts 3 & 4.  It changes every two weeks like this until you've gone all the way through to the final DVDs, workouts 11 & 12.

Since it's Wednesday and I've now completed all three of the workouts in the first segment, I can officially declare myself an expert and offer you the benefit of my vast experience with these workouts.

I would say that the first two weeks of Jillian's program are geared toward the newbies.  If you're new to exercise - or it's been a while and you're feeling out of shape- you'll be challenged, but you won't die from these workouts.  They are meant to ease you into her program.  I can tell you that none of these exercises are new to me, so, while it was still a good workout, it wasn't call-me-an-ambulance-I'm-having-a-stroke challenging, like what you might expect from Jillian Michaels.  You'll do donkey kicks and squats and shoulder presses and rows and push ups and suicide drills and a whole lotta other stuff that doesn't sound like very much fun.

It's not supposed to be fun.  Suck it up.

I'll tell you what I love about these workouts:

I have a very severe case of exercise ADD.  Put me on a treadmill or stationary bike and within 10 minutes I'm ready to be done.  Doing the SAME, BORING movement for long periods of time is NOT for me.  When I get bored, I get lazy.  Plus, my mind wanders and I start thinking about cheeseburgers.  Not good.  But these workouts are done in circuits made up of 30-60 second moves, which helps tremendously with boredom.

What?  We get to change it up every half a minute or so?  I can SO do that!

The workouts are only 30 minutes, but they're intensity-packed, and they go by quickly thanks to the constant changing of movements.  I can dig it.  I haven't thought about cheeseburgers ONCE while doing these workouts.

So my assessment so far is two enthusiastic thumbs up.  If I had three thumbs, I'd give her three.  But alas, I am cursed with the normal number of thumbs.  As the workouts get harder, I may be putting up a different set of fingers, but let's not talk about that.  Wouldn't be very lady-like.

So to sum up, she eases you into the program, she packs more power into less time, and she makes the workouts go by quickly with the way she runs the circuits.

NOTE:  If you're horribly offended by words like "ass," "hell," or "damn," you might want to skip this program.  What'd you expect?  It's Jillian-freaking-Michaels!  No unicorns or rainbows here, people.

Stuff I don't like:

1.  If I close my eyes or look away from the TV, Jillian becomes a man.  Go ahead, next time you see Jillian on TV, try closing your eyes while listening and tell me she doesn't sound like a man.
Eyes open: Hot, fit chick in spandex leading a workout.  Eyes closed:  Man yelling at me to "KEEP GOING OR I'M GOING TO COME THROUGH THAT TV AND WHOOP YOUR A**!"   I'm just going to make sure I keep my eyes open and on the TV from now on.  That way, Jillian stays a girl.

2.  You know how you cheat and find future episodes of Downton Abbey online because you HAVE to know what happens next and then you really wish you hadn't done it?  Let's just say that I did this with the next set of workouts to see what hell awaits me in week 5.  And let's just say I'm really wishing I hadn't.  There are times when it's better to just not know things.  This would be one of those times.

Truth be told, I'm kind of looking forward to week 5.  Bring it, Jillian Man-chaels.  I ain't skeered.

Well, maybe a teensy bit ...

Oh, shutty.

Just for today, skip the Honey Boo Boo

If you're a human, chances are you've set a goal for yourself at least once in your lifetime.  You know, the kind where you decide that TOMORROW you will start your journey of change.  Perhaps you want to lose 50 pounds.  Maybe you want to start a running regimen so you can finally tackle that marathon.  Or maybe you want to read more, write more, learn more.  You tell yourself you're going to finish that novel by such-n-such date, or you'll be running 15 miles at a time by summer.

"TOMORROW, I will write 1,000 words of my future best-seller."

"TOMORROW, I will get up at 5:00 a.m. and brave the freezing temps to get my run in."

TOMORROW comes and what happens?  You hit that snooze button one too many times, tell yourself you'll run later, have a crummy day at work, come home to a dirty kitchen and mounds of laundry and convince yourself that  TOMORROW is a better day to start. This after spending three hours on the couch with your hand in a bag of Funyuns and ultimately falling asleep watching the "Honey Boo Boo" marathon on cable.  Not exactly the kind of marathon you were planning to participate in.  

Oops.

You failed.   

You blew it today and now you'll never reach your goals.  You're going to be a fat, lazy, uneducated toad for the rest of your miserable existence.  

Not so fast.

There's nothing at all wrong with making big plans for ourselves, but when it comes to weight loss, I'm learning that it's the small goals - the ones we can actually envision and wrap our brains around - that bring the most success.  When it comes to losing weight and taking control of my health, today is the only day that matters.  

If I tell myself that the goal is to lose 100 pounds by the end of 2013, and I think about it ONLY in those terms, I'll end up crying in the corner, rocking uncontrollably while humming some eerie lullaby and sucking my thumb.  The notion that "I have to keep this up every day for the next gazillion days to reach my goal or I've failed" is a daunting one.  It's too much.  It's completely overwhelming.  It's a near guarantee of failure.

I'm now determined that I'm simply going to wake up every morning and decide that, just for today, I will eat sensibly and get my workout in.  I'm going to make choices all day that will help me go to bed feeling good about the progress I made and the small steps I've taken toward my bigger goal.   When I do that, I wake up the next morning feeling hopeful and empowered, like I took control of something that's had control of me for far too long.   That feeling fuels me for the day ahead.  

"I did it yesterday.  It felt good amazing.  I want another day like that.  Today will be that day."

I can do anything for one day, right? 

I can put the Funyuns down slowly and back away - just for today.

I can pass on the Honey Boo Boo and pick up my laptop and write - just for today.

I can get to bed a little earlier and keep my 5:00 a.m. date with a pair of smelly sneakers - just for today.

Whatever my big plans are, I will start with today.  I won't overwhelm my brain and spirit with what needs to be done by the end of the year or even in the next few months.  I will let every day of my journey be a victory that fuels the next day's success.

What are your big dreams and what small step will you take, just for today, to bring you closer to making them a reality?